It all started when I decided to purchase a certain software for my MacBook Pro on Craig’s List. I found a VERY cheap listing for the product I wanted and sent a message to the seller. He confirmed the product and the price.
Before making the final purchase I asked the seller if his product was above-board and ethically sound. I asked because the price was so low it seemed too good to be true. He assured me all was ok and that if I changed my mind paypal had a refund policy. So I made the purchase.
Then, the seller took me through a series of complicated downloads and even brought in a tech to remotely install the software to my computer. 20 hours into the procedure, I finally honored the uneasy feeling in my gut, called a halt to the procedure and asked for a refund. Not only did the seller deny me a refund, but my computer seemed to be functioning much slower than usual.
I took it to the trusted ‘geniuses’ at Mac who explained what had happened. The software seller had sold me a PC product, had his tech override my security code to change the environment in my computer and download a PC-friendly operating system so that he could install a software not meant for my type of computer.
Well on behalf of my MacBook I felt violated!…and offended!
Then, I realized I had given permission and willingly agreed to allow a tech to enter my operating system, mess with my navigation, and attempt to replace it with an inferior product, one that wasn’t even meant to integrate with my original system!
Feeling violated and offended was short-lived, and I soon went into action. Armed with this new information I made another request to the seller for a refund, stating truthfully what had happened.
While waiting for his response, I got to thinking about our process of teaching children how to see and perceive and communicate in life…in other words a navigation system or ‘browser’.
Much of what we teach children as they grow up is useful, but some of it is not. In fact, it may be not only totally useless, but actually harmful! The harm comes from new systems of seeing and responding that override our natural way of relating to the world and moving through it. It is just like having unauthorized and inferior software installed into our thinking, perceiving and emoting systems.
Messages like, “Don’t put on airs,” and, “Don’t speak unless spoken to,” give children a very confusing message about expressing themselves and assessing life events. In our culture we place a high value on leadership, achievement and success…yet we are also giving children messages that they should not call attention or be proud of their strengths, and should not speak out and assert themselves, yet that is what they need to do to achieve what grownups want for them. How confusing!
Very often when I work with a client the first several sessions involve the ‘un-install’ of software programs that limit beliefs, confidence and energy. Or, in other words, sorting out the truth from the non-truth that may have been fed to them as truth.
What really breaks my heart is when someone in their 50’s or 60’s is just now finding out that the overriding beliefs they have been using to guide themselves in life were not true at all! Those beliefs were simply the result of a bad app that got installed!
For example, a natural-born comedienne might have heard “Don’t hog all the attention!!” or, “You are so self-centered!” and spent her life trying to blend in and avoid the spotlight. Thereby hiding her true talent from herself. Well if her million-dollar talent is hidden from herself, than how is she supposed to reach her goals? It is like handicapping yourself before a big race by hobbling your legs together!
Or, another example is when a kind and nurturing boy has heard “Be tough!” or
“You need to fight like a man!” all his life. So he was never able to share his ability to lead with compassion and wisdom, rather than force and domination.
As tragic as it is when a person cannot enjoy, develop and share their natural and unique talents, the good news is that bad apps can be un-installed.
Just like my geniuses at the Mac store, you can find someone trained in this art of ‘un-install’…also known as self-actualization…and soon, you will begin to function as you were naturally meant to…speaking even when not spoken to, hogging the spotlight, and, yes, you ARE going to wear that outfit to school..if that’s what you want to do!
If you are a parent or educator interested in socializing children in how to function and collaborate in society, and also distinguish their strengths and value as individuals, please check out Dana’s My Coach’s new website www.HowtoCoachYourKids.com. Join now and take advantage of your free trial membership!!
By the way I did receive my refund 😉