Dana's My Coach

Find your game… play… repeat.

My Name is Not ‘No’, it’s ‘Yes’, or at Least ‘Maybe’

Have you heard that new pop song by Megan Trainor called ‘My Name is ‘No’?  In the song, you hear the refrain, “My name is ‘No’, my number is ‘No’, you need to let it go.’

It’s a lot of ‘No’s’ in one song. I’m not sure, but if my subliminal messaging were programmed with this song, I think it would lead to a lot of nothing.


You hear what you expect to hear and see what you expect to see. It’s a natural cognitive process called ‘selective perception’. It means, in short, we get what we think we’ll get and we see what we expect to see. Many of our thoughts and perceptions, unfortunately, are occurring without us even being aware of it!

If your subconscious mind is conditioned to expect to get ‘No’ then most likely you will get ‘No’s’ when you ask or seek out something. Unless, of course, your subconscious actually thinks you’ll get ‘Yes’. In which case, you will get ‘I don’t know!’

If you are not sure what all this means, ask yourself how many times you have had an idea to do something fun or different lately. Now, look back and count the number of times you have actually moved on any of those ideas. Compare the numbers.

If you’re like most people, the number of ideas you have had by far outweighs the number of action steps you have taken. But before you start chastising yourself for your inactivity, you need to realize how it happens. Besides, no one likes to be scolded!

Often, when you don’t take action steps to change your daily routine, it’s because the subliminal message you are giving yourself is ‘No’. This puts you in a resistance position. If this happens, you have essentially programmed yourself to lose your motivation before you take any action.

The Dalai Lama said, “…the easiest path to happiness is to do something.” If you want to change something in your life, you need to do something. If you don’t know what to do, then think about what you want and then make a move in that direction. Even the simplest move can generate a result, or a reaction.

Say you want a new living environment. A first step could be to drive around neighborhoods looking for one that inspires you. You’re taking a step in a direction!

What I know about steps is that one begets (fancy word for ‘leads to’) another. But most importantly, and here is THE KEY, when you take that step, you must have NO ATTACHMENT to how it turns out. Just take the step. Once you take it, you will intuitively know the next step. Pretty soon you are covering lots of ground! It’s called momentum. You’re getting somewhere.

In my life there have been periods of time when many things happened, and periods of time where not much happened. When I was bored, nothing happened and I ended up more bored. In the times where a lot happened it was because I told myself ‘yes’ and made myself do what I wanted to do.

For example, in the year I graduated from college, I went from working at a school library to being a bartender at a steakhouse in Koln, Germany. Also, in the timespan of one year (a different year!) I got married, appeared in a show on a stage in New York City, delivered twins and moved across country to Austin, Texas.

Also, the last few years have been full of activity…and especially these past few months. Since April I have taken the GRE, been accepted to a graduate program that will expand my business and skillset, sold my house and moved my family into a new home (my dream house!) produced the 35th episode of the One Minute Parent Video Segments, grew my practice, and will soon send my sons off to Middle School! Clearly I have been saying ‘yes’ to myself, and in turn, people have been saying ‘yes’ to me!

In between here and there were stretches of boredom where seemingly nothing new happened. These clearly were the times when my subconscious was tuned into channel ‘No’ and I was set on the setting of resistance.

Much of the fun and exciting changes I’ve experienced were not what I thought was possible. So how did any of these things start?

None of it happened overnight, but after a series of many steps. With getting accepted to school, it started with a trip to Half Price Books to pick up a copy of the GRE study workbook. Then, some research on the internet. Then a conversation with my realtor and dear friend Emily Apollo (while we were perusing neighborhoods where my dream house might be) told me about where she went to graduate school. I looked into it and found the ideal program for me.

I took little steps, one after the other, without knowing how or if they’ll lead anywhere. It makes sense to me because I already have a bias toward action. I like to check things out. Encounter. I’m not afraid to be surprised, to be embarrassed, disappointed…and follow my gut.

Over years (yes I am getting older!) I have found not everyone is like this. Many people are afraid to hear the word ‘No’. Imagine if I had gone to Half Price Books and asked for the GRE book and they said ‘No’. Would that mean academic career, graduate program over? Of course not! That’s so silly! I would simply ask them to find me the book! And if they said ‘No’ to that, well, guess what, I would go to another bookstore, or Amazon, or the library or ask a friend. The point is, the point doesn’t matter! What matters is the process. Stay on progress with the process.

If you want new things to happen…it doesn’t matter what things…maybe things you haven’t even thought of yet, or things that your cognitive mind cannot even understand, then you need to change the background music playing in your head. Change it from ‘No’ to ‘Yes’ or even ‘Oh yeah baby!’

Here are some musical programming suggestions:

“I Came to Win” by Nicki Minaj

“Life is a Highway” (and I’m gonna ride it all night loooong!)

“Let’s Get it ON”!

But, if for some reason you just can’t get out of that “NO” groove, just call me, cuz’ you know what I’ll be singing!

What are your songs for inspiration?

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